Ontario's Scots Don't Care About Haggis

English Roast Beef for Burns Night
The Scottish community in Ontario just doesn't care about haggis. Starting next year all Ontario's Scotsmen will be celebrating Burns Night by meekly eating English roast beef.

Is that the conclusion we should draw from the poor response to Blighty's Blogpoll about the Ontario Government regulating haggis out of existence? You can find the poll in the right hand column of Blighty's Blog.

Scotsmen are Meek
I don't believe the Scots don't care about haggis myself. We sell lots of it here at Blighty's Tuck Store. I believe that Scotsmen are just too meek to stand up for themselves.

When I first came to Canada I worked with a Scotsman. So many people heard his accent and asked him if he was English that, eventually, he gave up correcting them and just said "yes".

The Scots were soundly beaten by the Sassenachs on the field of Culloden on April 16th 1746 and I don't think they have recovered from the shame of defeat yet. You can do anything to a Scotsman and he will just sit there and take it.

Ok Jock, Are You Fighting Mad Yet?
I bet you aren't half as angry as you will be in the next few weeks when there is no haggis left in Blighty's freezers; when there is no haggis left anywhere in Ontario because Premier Dalton McGuinty's rabid bureaucrats have closed down all the small butcher shops that make haggis.

Do you think I am kidding? The Looney Liberals in Queen's Park have ALREADY SHUT DOWN several Ontario butcher operations and they are drooling with the prospect of forcing all the other small Scottish butchers into bankruptcy too.

And you, Jock, sat back and did nothing until the battle was lost! Now click on over to the right column and have your say before it's too late. This Sassenach is fighting on your side to stop these mad provincial government men from destroying your tradition, but I need your involvement!

Walker's Crazy Crisps - part 4

This is number four in our epicure's guide to Walker's six new crazy crisp flavours. Today we'll talk about Crispy Duck and Hoisin.

First of all, I 'ate them. Did an extraneous apostrophe slip in there? What I mean is, I ate them. I wasn't sure if I should at first. I confess that I am not a great fan of Chinese food and I had never heard of "Hoisin" before. I wasn't even aware that Chinese food had names; I have always ordered it by number.

I wondered whether "Hoisin" was a typo and this was a substance that I definitely shouldn't eat.

If you are similarly challenged by a lack of familiarity with the cuisine of the Orient let me explain. Hoisin is a sauce. To the Chinese it is as common as ketchup.

And does "crispy" refer to the contents of the bag, or the status of the duck? Alright, now I am being facetious.

Walker's Crispy Duck & Hoisin flavour potato crisps are not my favourite of the six new crazy crisp varieties - I would rate them in third place - but they are really quite good. Now I am tempted to seek out a good Chinese restaurant and try the real thing. Does anybody know what number to order to get real Crispy Duck & Hoisin in a Chinese restaurant?

Walker's Crazy Crisps - part 3

Today - Builder's Breakfast. So what does a builder eat for breakfast? Surely, half a grapefruit, a small bowl of muesli and a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice - just like everybody else right?

Apparently not. British builders, it seems, like a full English breakfast from the local "greasy spoon" cafe.

Now can you imagine how Walker's could have transferred the flavour of a "full English" onto a potato crisp? Neither can I, but they have accomplished it rather well in my opinion. Any my opinion is shared by a lot of customers too. Walker's Builder's Breakfast flavour potato crisps have been selling rather well here at Blighty's Tuck Store.

Put this one in the "hit" column.

Walker's Crazy Crisps - part 2

Day 2 of Blighty's Blog's review of the new Walker's experimental crisp flavours. Today, Chilli & Chocolate. This flavour was proposed by Catherine from High Wycombe in the UK.

Chilli and Chocolate did not sound that weird to my ears. My son, now a chef in Vancouver, had prepared a chilli and chocolate dessert for me a few years ago. It really tasted surprisingly good.

Now, take that flavour and marry it with potato crisps (that's potato chips if you are not of UK heritage) and you have a combination that is , um, interesting.

My first reaction, as I popped the crisp in my mouth, was "oh, chocolate". Then, as I swallowed it, my reaction changed to "oh chilli".

As a dessert, chilli and chocolate go together very well, but as a crisp flavour? No sorry Catherine, I wouldn't be voting for this one.

The BBC Blanks Out

A few days ago, Blighty's Blog reported on a new service through which you could receive BBC1 and BBC2 television from the UK - live. If you missed the post, here is a link to it:

http://blog.blightys.com/2009/02/watch-live-uk-tv-free.html

In the post I noted that I couldn't see how the service could possibly be legal and that you should enjoy it while it lasts. Well, it didn't last very long at all. Late last week I clicked on the link and received an error message that said something to the effect of: "connection refused, go away, you don't belong here". I brought up the website again the next day and the links for the BBC had been removed.

Blighty's Blog is read in a surpringly large number of countries around the world. Among the countries from which we frequently get readers is ... the United Queendom - home of "the Beeb". Is it possible that somebody in "Bertie's British Cupboard" (that's a joke, read the story about the two BBCs here) read Blighty's Blog and pulled the switch?

Well, I am not going to risk that happening again. I routinely watch live UK Premiership soccer games on the Setanta sports channel. But I do it for free through the Internet. If you would like to know how you will have to ask (send a comment using the link below and I will email you privately). If you are British and your name is Bertie and you live in a Cupboard, I am sorry but I am not going to divulge my secret to you. Whoops, sorry, it is so difficult to tell the difference between a giant broadcasting corporation called BBC and a small British imports store in Canada called BBC (are you still reading Blighty's Blog, Auntie Beeb?)

Walkers Crazy Crisps - part 1

Blighty's Blog recently announced that Walker's has introduced a new range of crisp flavours in response to its "Do Us A Flavour" contest. We took delivery of a few cases about a week ago. To my astonishment, they are selling very well indeed. Well done, customers; you're not the conservative lot that I thought you might be.

These flavours are really "off the wall". We'll review each one, day-by-day, and give you a little insight into what goes into those suspicious new 46g bags (regular flavours come in 35g bags)

Customers in the UK can vote for which flavour they like the best. Six new flavours were introduced, but only one will be adopted. We are running our own unofficial poll here at Blighty's where customers are voting with their wallets.

Today's flavour is Cajun Squirrel. At first my mind thought "road kill". I remember that squirels in the UK are timid creatures that are rarely seen. Quite a contrast to squirrels in Ontario that will eat from your hand and raid the bird feeders in your backyard.

I opened a bag of Walker's Cajun Squirrel potato crisps and tried one - with more than a little hesitation I can tell you. I thought to myself that it actually did taste of squirrrel. Then I remembered that I have never actually eaten a squirrel.

And I still haven't eaten any squirrel because, despite its name, there is not a trace of squirrel in the product. The flavour was invented by a guy called Martyn in Hednesford, England. "Squirrel seasoning" is a mixture of herbs and spices and is suitable for vegetarians and coeliacs.

And how do they taste? Rather spicy, sort of like squirrels would taste if you were to eat one.

Roasted Roadkill Crisps?

Ok, here's the picture. I knew you wouldn't believe me if I didn't show it to you. You see, times are tough in the UK. The recession has hit harder there than anywhere else in the western industrialized world. The British have taken to hunting squirrels to eat. Well, when times are tough you have to do what you have to do.

Of course, squirrel meat has a strong flavour, so cook it up with a little cajun spice and lather it onto some thinly sliced potato and voila, you have Walker's Cajun Squirrel flavour potato crisps.

By the way, we also have these fine deli flavour crisps for your enjoyment:
Builder's Breakfast, Fish & Chips, Crispy Duck, Onion Bhaji and everybody's flavourite - Chilli & Chocolate!

Big Brother Britain is Watching You

Will you be visiting Britain this summer? Leave your camera at home in Canada - it could land you in jail for a very long time. A new proposal before the UK parliament will make it a criminal offence, punishable by up to 10 years in jail, to take a picture of a policeman, reports Britain's Daily Mail newspaper.

No really, this is not an April Fool's joke; we are still in the chilly depths of February. Big Brother Britain also wants to install CCTV cameras inside pubs and is considering banning the wearing of hats in pubs so the cameras get a better view of the pub's patrons.

CCTV cameras already follow the British people everywhere they go. Licence plate recognition cameras identify and track people as they drive. Speed cameras snap your plate if you so much as venture a hair's breadth above the limit. A national DNA database can link you to a crime scene if your DNA is found at place where an offence is later committed.

Why is all this happening? Because Britain is constantly under a perceived threat of terrorism. It all sounds very draconian and unreal, but similar laws have been used in recent years to detain train-spotters.

Whatever happened to the friendly British bobby who would gladly pose for tourists' photographs? Whatever happened to freedom?

The British Canadian Newspaper

This story is about 2 British Canadians. The first is a very fine, free newspaper. The second is one of the paper's biggest fans.

We'll tell you a very funny story about British Canadian #2 in a moment, but first let's talk about the newspaper.

The Free Newspaper
The British Canadian newspaper is published by a British Canadian (OK, this story is now about 3 British Canadians) called Paul Meade.

Paul also runs a British store on Vancouver Island called "Bertie's British Cupboard" also known as "BBC". And "BBC" has been threatened with legal action by another, rather large corporation sharing the same initials. You can read that story in the February issue.

The British Canadian is a great little independent free publication that flies out of the doors here at Blighty's Tuck Store. Its 12 colour pages are packed with news from Britain, news about British people in Canada, entertainment and sports. You can pick up a copy every month here at Blighty's. If you can't make it into the store just email us at shop@blightys.com and we'll put a sample copy in the mail to you.

The Snatcher
And now, the story of British Canadian #2. We call him "the snatcher". He is an older English gentleman who shows up at the store every month to pick up his copy of the paper. We can't call him a customer because he never actually buys anything from us. He just pops his head through the door, grabs a paper and runs.

This morning he came to the store early, sneaked up to the door, pressed his nose against the glass and stared in at the place where we used to keep the British Canadian newspaper. He was ready to do his usual "snatch and run". But we have moved the newspaper stand to the counter where customers can reach it more easily.

When he didn't see his paper the snatcher got back into his car and drove away. I was tempted to run out and tell him that we have hundreds of copies inside but I was immobilized with laughter.

Ontario Govt Unrepentant Over Haggis

Leona Dombrowsky, Minister of Agriculture, Food and Rural Affairs is unrepentant. If you didn't already catch the Blighty's Blog post about how the heavy hand of the McGuinty Liberal government is killing production of haggis and black pudding in Ontario, you can still read it by following this link: Ontario Government Kills Burns Night.

Ms Dombrowsky and her bureaucrats are descending like a ton of bricks on small butcher shops that produce haggis and black pudding. Her position is clear; whether you are a small one-man butcher shop - or a giant corporate meat producer we are going to treat you all the same way. Either you invest huge sums in upgrading your facilities or face fines and confiscation of your fixtures and equipment.

One man butcher shops won't survive and Ms Dombrowsky's friends at the big corporations aren't even remotely interested in making small market products like haggis and black pudding.

I bet you didn't see this shocker coming when you voted at the last provincial election. After all, which party is supposed to be covertly in league with the big corporations? No, not that one - it is the McGuinty Liberals!

Our freezer is full of haggis, black pudding, square sausage, vegetable roll, beef links, mealie pudding and Ayrshire bacon right now. But all that will soon disappear. Not only is the production of haggis and black pudding being squeezed out of existence, but the government of Ontario is also stopping Blighty's butcher from selling his products wholesale. Our freezer will be empty.

If you are as outraged as I am please participate in our poll (see the sidebar on the right of this page). If we don't speak up now and make our voice heard, the government bureaucratic steamroller will roll right over us.

Blighty's Google Gadget

I love Google. I guess I have to really because I have paid them enough for advertising to own half the company. But seriously, these folks are always introducing something new and interesting - and it's usually free.

Blighty's Tuck Store now has it's own Google Gadget. "OK", you say, "so what is a Google Gadget?" Well let me explain. Gadgets are small news items that you can place on your iGoogle page. "Oh" you say, "now what in heaven's name is iGoogle?"

Alright, let me explain some more. iGoogle is a home page that you can configure from hundreds of different news, sports, media, cartoons, weather and other sources. It's a great way of getting all the daily information that interests you in one place. You can also read your gmail (the very best free email) there. You can access iGoogle at www.google.com/ig.

Now, if you want to find out what's happenening at Blighty's you can add our Gadget to your iGoogle homepage. It will be in the public gadget directory in 10 days (that should be around February 21st) but if you are in a hurry just use the comment link below this post to let us know and we'll send you an invite.

Watch Live UK TV - free

About a year ago many of us were happily subscribed to a service called "LiveUKTV" and were happily watching regular British domestic TV channels through the Internet. Then one fateful day, as we tried to login, instead of the usual channel selection screen we saw a brief notice that said something to the effect of "Oops, sorry but we didn't realize what we were doing was illegal so we have to stop".

Several new services sprang up offering a legal alternative involving renting or selling "slingbox" receivers in the UK. But they all have one drawback - you really ought to own a UK TV licence to use them.

Blighty's Blog has uncovered a new alternative. We can't see how it can possibly be legal, but it works!!! And, since the service is free, doesn't involve any registration or downloads, you should make the most of it while it lasts.

You can't receive as many channels as some of the other services, but BBC1, BBC2 and several soccer channels come through like gangbusters.

Go to www.channelsurfing.net and enjoy!

Britain Engulfed by Storms (in a teacup)

The British Isles has been overwhelmed by storms this week - and one of them was even related to the weather. Blighty's Blog is only just recovering from paroxysms of mirth over the "Storm in a Teacake" affair (see last post). Now our sides are splitting anew over the latest storm to sweep through the Excited Queendom.

Britain is broiling over a double golliwog scandal. First, the daughter of former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher was fired by the BBC ... for being the daughter of former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher AND for having used the word "golliwog" in connection with a French tennis player. The offence (the golliwog reference, that is) was uttered off-air in a private room in a private conversation.

Writing in today's Daily Mail about the Thatcher sacking, Lindsay Johns said:

"As a black writer and broadcaster, I find the BBC’s stance patronising and divisive. I don’t want some well-heeled, ivory tower managers presuming that they have the right to speak on my behalf, quivering with synthetic outrage as they try to articulate my supposed sense of grievance ..."

But even worse! Her Majesty the Queen has been profiting from the sale of golliwogs in the souvenir shop at her Sandringham estate. Her Majesty has ordered the dolls to be withdrawn from sale and has apologized to the nation for any offence the cuddly little toys may have caused.

For the record and contrary to popular belief, it is NOT illegal to sell golliwogs in the UK (or in Canada). According to a poll conducted by Britain's Daily Mail newspaper, an overwhelming majority of the British people wish to keep it that way.

So while the world hovers on the brink of financial ruin Britain pre-occupies itself with controversies over teacakes and dolls - how very quaint. But at least it keeps their minds off the weather. Dear old Blighty is being pounded with the kind of snow that is usually reserved for most parts of Canada - and you can't buy a decent snow shovel there for love or money.

Footnote: Golliwogs are shamelessly offered for sale at Blighty's Tuck Store.

Storm in a Teacake Epilogue

Finally, there is a conclusion to the story about Marks & Spencer teacakes which featured in Blighty's Blog last April http://blog.blightys.com/2008/04/storm-in-teacake.html.

A pitched battle lasting 13 years took place between M&S and the British taxman over whether M&S teacakes are liable to VAT (Value Added Tax). The taxman said M&S teacakes are chocolate covered biscuits and must be taxed. M&S said, no, their teacakes are cakes and are exempt from tax. It was a hotly contested fight - you could say that the marks and sparks were flying (but that would be an awful pun so please don't).

The European Court of Deciding Really Important Things ruled in favour of Marks & Spencer but left it to the UK courts to decide whether the taxman should reimburse £3.5M in overpaid taxes to M&S.

The taxman argued that it was M&S' customers who had paid the tax and that M&S would enjoy "unjust enrichment" if they were to be given the money. The British Lords of the Law have now decided that M&S rather than HM Government should be unjustly enriched. So the British exchequer must now cough up the loot from its coffers.

For the record, Blighty's Tuck Store sells the contentious teacakes in Canada and has never charged a brass farthing in VAT, GST or any other tax on them.

Save the Earth - it's the only planet with chocolate!

Happy Candlemas Day

Today is Candlemas Day. Oh, you thought it was "Groundhog Day"? Well, I am sorry but even the groundhogs aren't aware that today is named after them. You see, groundhogs celebrate Candlemas Day!

Candlemas Day has been celebrated by groundhogs and humans for hundreds of years. It falls on the second day of February and, in England, it is traditionally hoped to be the last day of winter.

If Candlemas Day be fair and bright,
Winter will have another flight;
If Candlemas Day be wind and rain.
Winter is gone and won't come again.

Of course, in Canada, there can be no expectation that winter will end so early in the year. For us it's at least another six chilly weeks - no matter what the bloomin' rodents have to say on the matter!