"Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited" - John Cleese

Author John Corby also writes as "Bulldogge" for the British Canadian newspaper.

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Sunday, March 14, 2010

What a Lovely Morning for a War

The British Isles were invaded and occupied several times throughout history. Now the British people can be extraordinarily patient, but the time comes when enough is enough.

English gentlemen of the Middle Ages took horse to save the Holy Land from the Saracens. Then during the Hundred Years War (which actually took 116 years to complete) it was found to be profitable to hop on the channel ferry, bully a few Gauls and bring some back to be held for ransom.

But it didn't always go swimmingly well for what the Brits - for some strange reason - refer to as their "Millet Tree". Mad King George and his redcoats were sent packing by the American colonists. Actually, if truth be told, the redcoats were a determined force and were on the point of overwhelming the Americans until the latter formed an alliance with the French. Payback time for the French came during the Napoleonic Wars when the Duke of Wellington trounced "Boney" and his perfumed warriors.

Queen Victoria is currently Britain's longest serving monarch. During her long reign she built a huge empire covering two thirds of the globe. Victoria waged war on many countries, including Zanzibar.

The war with Zanzibar commenced at two minutes past nine on the morning of 27th August 1896. Royal Navy gunboats fired on the town disabling the defending gun emplacements. A naval battle ensued resulting in the sinking of the defending nation's Royal Yacht.

The Zanzibar army sustained 500 casualties but only one British sailor was wounded.  The war raged on for a long, drawn out thirty eight minutes. The defenders fought back with artillery and machine guns but at 9:40 the same morning a victory for the Empire was assured and the British officers retired to their mess on board the Royal navy flagship for a nice cup of tea and a couple of biscuits.

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