The admirable admiral has advised Whitehall that the navy had budgeted for a 6-month campaign but that the recent re-allocation of cannonballs to the army for the 90-gun birthday salute to the Duke of Edinburgh had almost completely emptied its arsenal.
Red-faced civil service mandarins at the Ministry of Defence are said to be dismayed by the admission that the world's oldest naval force doesn't have the balls to fight on.
Meanwhile, in the Excited States of Um ... Erica, top-ranking politicians are said to rolling around on the White House lawn frothing with uncontrolled mirth while sputtering disingenuous and disparaging remarks about "European Puddle Pirates".
In Tripoli, Libyan leader Muammar Qaddafi commented that he is pleased with the news because the constant thudding of cannonballs against his compound walls had been giving him a nasty headache. He said he hopes the Royal Navy will now let him get on with his chess game without any further unpleasantness.
The Royal Navy's lack of balls has surely not gone unnoticed at Al Qaeda headquarters in downtown Islamabad either. Al Qaeda spokesman Denis al-Menace today commented ... [continued on page 94]
This blog intends no disrespect to the Royal Navy who give great service despite interference by the British government (for whom this blog intends no respect).
ReplyDeleteThe Duke of Edinburgh received, not a 90 gun salute, but a 62 gun salute on his 90th birthday ... but why let the facts get in the way of a good story!