Golliwogs - An American Tradition?

I was always a little suspicious of gollies when I was a child. They just didn't look British, but those big eyes, great big smile and wide open arms made them look trustworthy enough.

My childhood suspicions proved to be justified. Beloved by children in the UK for over a hundred years they may be, but true Brits they are not. The golliwog was nurtured in Britain but it actually has an American heritage.

The British golliwog doll was originally based on a a character in a book written by an American woman who emigrated to Britain while still a child.

The famous Robertson's Gollies seen on jam jars in the UK weren't even a truly British icon. One of the company's principals saw children playing with golliwog dolls in the United States and transferred the idea to his company's products (with huge success) in the UK. Enamel "Golly" badges could be earned by collecting labels from Robertson's jam jars. The company finally dropped Robertson's Golly badges in 2001 following much controversy stimulated by the political correctness movement.

Golliwogs are difficult to find in Britain now due to the prevailing politically correct atmosphere there. Fortunately, they are still made for export and can be found at Blighty's where we don't attach any deep significance to the imagery associated with them beyond knowing that children love them.

Screaming Jelly Babies

When I was a nipper the custom among youngsters was to bite the heads off Jelly Babies before eating the rest of their bodies. Bizarre yes, but tame compared to some of the other antics we got up to in those days.

In more modern days even greater indignities are perpetrated on these poor innocents. I witnessed one such example while visiting the United Queendom this summer. It is called "Screaming Jelly Babies". The demonstration is often performed by school science teachers to stimulate interest in science among students. It involves melting a certain chemical in a test tube (I won't disclose the chemical involved to prevent accusations of participation in the cruelty). A Jelly Baby is then mercilessly dropped into the test tube. The Jelly Baby immediately bursts into colourful flames and makes a screaming sound as it is consumed by the fire.

But what are Jelly Babies and where do they come from? Their history goes back to the end of the First World War when they were first marketed as "Peace Babies". After the Second World War the idea of peace seemed abstract and the product was re-launched as Jelly Babies.

Prior to 1989 all Jelly Babies were the same shape; the only variation being their individual colours. Around 1989 Jelly Babies were given different shapes and their own names. We now have "Brilliant Strawberry", "Lemon Bubbles", "Boofuls Lime", "Big Heart Blackcurrant", "Bumper Orange" and "Baby Bonny Raspberry".

Now when somebody performs an indignity on a Jelly Baby the victim has an identity!

Don't Say You're English

There is a poem making its way around the Internet recently lamenting the erosion of English identity. "English" is no longer accepted as a nationality by the British government. One must now be "British". The following verse was brought into the store and presented to me by a senior gentleman of English heritage this morning.

Goodbye to my England, so long my old friend
Your days are numbered, being brought to an end
To be Scottish, Irish or Welsh that's fine
But don't say you're English, that's way out of line.

The French and the Germans may call themselves such
As may Norwegians, the Swedes and the Dutch
You can say you are Russian or maybe a Dane
But don't say you're English ever again.

At Broadcasting House the word is taboo
In Brussels it's scrapped, in Parliament too
Even schools are affected, staff do as they're told
They must not teach children about England of old.

Writers like Shakespeare, Milton and Shaw
Do the pupils not learn about them anymore?
How about Agincourt, Hastings, Arnhem or Mons
When England lost hosts of her very brave sons?

We are not Europeans, how can we be?
Europe is miles away over the sea.
We're the English from England, let's all be proud
Stand up and be counted - shout it out loud.

Let's tell our government and Brussels too
We're proud of our heritage and the Red, White and Blue
Fly the flag of St George or the Union Jack
Let the world know - we want our England back!

Is Flying to the UK Dangerous?

Flying to the UK could be hazardous to your health! I know, there are lots of statistics suggesting that flying is safer than crossing the road. Strangely, flying to the UK from Europe is perfectly safe, but flying to the UK from North America poses a very real threat to your long term health.

The reason for this strange phenomenon is to be found in the science of astrophysics. I won't bore you with the science in this post; I'll just keep it simple. The galaxy in which our Sun and the Earth are located is a dangerous source of cosmic rays. These are the highly dangerous form of radiation that would quickly kill astronauts if they were not adequately protected. The Earth's magnetic field shields us from cosmic rays to some extent, but it doesn't do so evenly all over the planet.

The safest place on Earth is at the equator where the Earth's magnetic field lies parallel to the Earth's surface repelling the rays quite effectively. But, at the north and south magnetic poles the Earth's magnetic field runs perpendicular to the surface, drawing the cosmic rays down towards the ground.

Planes flying between Canada and the UK take a polar route flying very close to the region where cosmic rays are concentrated down towards the Earth's surface. Cosmic radiation is naturally higher at greater altitudes so flyers incur the double jeopardy of altitude and latitude leading to increased radiation exposure.

But don't worry; you will only spend a couple of hours in the high cosmic radiation zone - unless you are a member of a flight crew and work the transatlantic route regularly.

Footnote: Regular readers know that not everything they read on this blog is to be taken literally; I do like to have a little mischievous fun from time to time. However, today's science bulletin is not one of those occasions. It is taken from a very serious scientific book that I have read recently. Send me a comment (using the link at the bottom of the post) if you would like to be sent the reference details.

Brits to drive on the right?

There is a significant update to this blog's previous story, Why do the British drive on the left? In a surprise announcement from Downing Street this afternoon a dramatic new proposal left the British people shaking their heads.

It rather seems as though British Prime Minister Gordon Brown is becoming increasingly desperate to hold onto the reins of power in the UK. Now he is trying to curry favour with French President Nicolas Sarkozy by putting forward proposals in a study paper that would create a harmonization of traffic flows between the UK mainland and the rest of Europe. Put simply it means that the PM intends to force British motorists to drive on the right hand side of the road like the rest of the EU.

The Downing Street proposal calls for a phased approach in which by 2012, the year of the London Olympics, Britain's 22 million cars will be driving on the right hand side of her roads instead of the left. The move is touted to be an appeasement to the millions of foreign visitors who will be in the nation's capital for the Olympic Games. If passed by parliament the plan is also expected to put European leaders' support behind Mr Brown in his bid for a successful re-election of his ruling Labour Party.

If the switchover is successful the government proposes to implement a second phase of the plan in which all trucks and buses will then join the cars on the right hand side of Britain's roads by the end of the following year.

The Tarts of Bakewell

If a recent newspaper report is accurate we may soon witness an end to sales of the popular "Bakewell Tart" at Blighty's Tuck Store.

It seems that the bakers of Bakewell in Derbyshire are seeking a European injunction to protect their brand. If they are successful (as were the bakers of Melton Mowbray in Leicestershire recently) we may have to re-christen our tarts. Bakewell's bakers want the EU to regulate the use of the name "Bakewell" so that only Bakewell bakers can use it to describe their eponymous product.

Their argument goes something along the lines of "Bakewell bakers bake Bakewell Tarts well but other bakers bake them not so well as well so Bakewell bakers should be the only bakers to sell Bakewell Tarts."

I sampled the tarts of Bakewell in Bakewell, let me see - well it must have been in July on my way, well-dressed, to a well-dressing near Bakewell. They were certainly baked well but they cost an awful lot more than the fine, fresh little tarts to be had at Blighty's Tuck Store every thursday morning.

Who Hung the Monkey?

One of the most bizarre British legends comes from the north east of England. It is a tale of fear, misunderstanding and, for the people of Hartlepool, perhaps their only claim to fame - or shame - depending on how you interpret the story.

During the Napoleonic wars a French ship foundered just off the coast of England near Hartlepool. The citizens of England were naturally very apprehensive about the possibility of a French invasion and watched the shipwreck very intently. A sole survivor was washed ashore; not a French sailor, but the ship's mascot - a monkey. The ship's crew had proudly dressed their mascot in a sailor's uniform.

The local townsfolk seized the monkey and taking it for a French spy, sentenced the unfortunate creature to summary execution by hanging. To this day, people from Hartlepool are often greeted with the derisory greeting: "who hung the monkey?".

Critics of the legend believe it to be untrue. Since Hartlepool is a seaport, they argue, the residents would have met many foreign sailors - including Frenchmen - and would know the difference between a Frenchman and a monkey.

I believe the story may be true but the explanation is less derogatory to the people of Hartlepool than the traditional interpretation. The Napoleonic wars had resulted in mass recruitment to the armies of Great Britain. Many thousands of British soldiers had fallen in European battles in the quest to curb Napoleon's ambition for conquest. Hatred for the French would have been at a level comparable to the hatred for Nazi Germany during the Second World War.

It is quite plausible that the people of Hartlepool knew exactly what they had found on the beach that fateful day and hanged the monkey as a symbol of all the resentment and hatred for the enemy.

So, if you are from Hartlepool, hold your head up high when somebody grins and asks you "who hung the monkey", then tell them why.