Britain Finally Adopts the Euro!

The British have always been proud of the Pound. The dust had only just settled following the 1971 change from LSD (Pounds, Shillings and Pence) to the new decimal currency when pressure was piled on Whitehall to adopt the Euro. The Irish - eager to discard their own Pound to create a clear distinction between themselves and the Brits - jumped on the Euro immediately. The British public rebelled. While the rest of Europe coalesced around a single common currency, the Island nation stood steadfast in defence of its Pound.

A newsflash landed on Blighty's Blog's news desk this morning from our correspondent Mr Ya Hoo with the shocking news that Britain has finally relented and the Euro is today the official currency of Great Britain.

The Bank of England will continue to issue Euro paper money printed with the word "Pound" but, since the British Pound is now trading at par with the Euro, the old pound notes and the new "Europound" notes will be freely inter-changeable.

With contributions from Blighty's Blog financial editor Mr £. S. Poof.

British Man Beats Up Santa Claus

Irate tourists who cashed their government gyro cheques to pay hefty admission charges to a new Christmas theme park in Hampshire, England have been swindled by an unscrupulous theme park operator.

The owner of "Lapland" on the south coast was caught masquerading as Santa Claus (of course, Canadians would have immediately detected the fraud. Santa lives at the North Pole which makes him a Canadian - well the magnetic north pole is indisputably part of Canada anyway eh?).

Once inside Lapland, visitors found the theme park to be little more than a collection of miserable huts. A much vaunted "tunnel of light" turned out to be nothing more than a string of old Christmas lights hung from a row of trees.

When "Santa" was found enjoying a sly smoke out the back of his grotto he was jumped on by a disgruntled park visitor and given a knuckle sandwich.

The owner of Lapland, it turns out, is a convicted tax fraudster.

Story filed by Blighty's Blog Tourism Editor, Jim N. E. Cricket

Global Warming Ends in Britain

Reports reaching Blighty's Blog from the United Queendom today reveal a severe Arctic blast hitting northern parts. With temperatures falling to near freezing and snowfall accumulating up to 20cm, Britain is expected to grind to a slippery halt as massive school and road closures pound the country.

Britain's snowplow crew has been called out and asked to limit tea breaks to as little as 30 minutes in an effort to keep the country moving. Overnight reports from our Manchester bureau chief Corey Street tell of thousands of stranded motorists. Britain's snowplow will be working overtime in an attempt to clear the nation's highways. Corey reports the crew may be plowing as late as 7:00 each evening although their contract allows for a 60 minute paid meal break at 5:00pm.

Motorists are urged to push their stranded vehicles clear of the highway because under health and safety executive rules the snow plowman's union does not permit snow plows to drive around stranded vehicles.

The met office in London has put out a warning to motorists throughout Britain to stay off the roads except for essential journeys because temperatures could plummet to near freezing on higher ground.

Expat Canadians living in Britain have found shelter inside Spar grocery stores where Tim Horton's donut store outlets have been opening. Interviewed for Blighty's Blog, none of the expats have reported finding anywhere to buy a decent snow shovel, snow blower or snow tires for their cars.

The unusually harsh British winter is expected to last well into the early part of February when the garden centres re-open with early season sales of fresh daffodils and crocuses.

Staff writer.