Britain Shocked by Canadian Drinking Binge

For a second time in less than a fortnight shock waves are rippling through the British Isles over the Vancouver Olympic Games. The British media is hyper-ventilating because Canada's women's (ice) hockey team, having won gold medals in Vancouver, was also thought to be threatening to steal Britain's crown as the binge-drinking capital of the world.

Throughout the entire British nation journalists are sitting down and taking smelling salts in a valiant effort to deal with the effrontery of these colonials. Canada's women's hockey team went back onto the ice after medals had been awarded and fans had left the stadium to crack a celebratory cold one.

Canada has sincerely apologized to it's mother nation. A message has been sent making it clear that while Canadians enjoy blowing the froth off a couple of beers to celebrate a big sporting win, our women will not be drinking themselves stupid and vomiting all over public streets every Saturday night as thousands do in the United Queendom.

According to a BBC report, Britain invests £20 billion every year to maintain its world binge-drinking title. The main contenders are young people in the same age group as Canada's women's hockey team. The BBC report goes on to say that 33,000 binge-drinking competitors die every year pursuing their favourite pastime.

Canadians are deeply embarassed that our incredibly modest display of alcohol consumption was misinterpreted as a challenge to British binge-drinking supremacy. We promise to behave ourselves in the future.

I'll drink to that.