Never Again Says England Boss

"We'll never bid again" says Andy Anson, captain of England's failed bid to host FIFA's World Cup competition in 2018.

"There is no point in England bidding again until FIFA changes its voting system" he went on to say. Investigative reporters for Blighty's Blog revealed that FIFA's price is just too high.

"We don't mind stuffing a few fivers in somebody's back pocket" said a spokesman who wished to remain anonymous "but these guys in Zurich are just asking too much. Britain is still in a recession you know".

Blighty's Blog tried asking further questions but the door with the number "10" on it abruptly closed in our reporter's face. However, another unpublished Wikileaks report that fell into our hands this week reveals that FIFA votes will soon be trading on exchanges in London, New York and Tokyo.

FIFA Boss to be Guest of Prince William

Blighty's Blog has learned that FIFA president Sepp Blatter is to be invited to Britain as a very special guest of Prince William.

Our Buckingham Palace correspondent, Elizabeth Scorgis, has learned that the prince has issued a personal invite to Mr Blatter following their meeting in Zurich this week during which England's bid to host the 2018 World Cup was soundly rejected.

The prince, we are told, wants to pay back Mr Blatter for the special treatment the England bid team received in Blatter's home country of Switzerland.

A special apartment is being prepared in the Tower of London where the FIFA supremo will be staying during his visit. The Tower, of course, was used in the past to house traitors during their trial and eventual execution.

Mr Blatter will be given ample opportunity to visit the dungeons and torture chambers where hapless victims once suffered terrible torments. He will even be invited to lay his head on the very same block used to execute many prominent and high profile prisoners during the Tower's long sordid history.

Mr Blatter's office in Zurich has expressed concern that FIFA's head will be cut off from day-to-day activities at FIFA headquarters in Zurich. The Prince's office has re-assured Zurich agreeing that it's head will be briefly cut off, but that Mr Blatter will be drawn to the attractions of the Tower and will want to hang around where he will be well quartered during his stay in Britain.