US Seizes British Chocolate

Unable to make decent chocolate of their own, Americans are to pay a record sum to snatch British chocolate giant Cadbury from the English. In the wake of the takeover of Cadbury by the US Kraft Corporate mega-colossus, thousands of jobs in England and Ireland are at risk and the Scots are to blame!

But wait; it gets worse. During the great global recession of 2009, descendants of "proud Edward's army" - based in London - loaded £20 billion of taxpayers' money in stagecoaches and hauled it up the Great North Road to Scotland to bail out their Royal Bank.

Now, Scottish bankers are sitting on top of Hadrian's Wall - their back pockets bulging with English cash, jeering and thumbing their noses at the English. Why? Because they just took £630 million of that English cash and loaned it to the American choco-pirates.

Americans are chocolate starved. No really, have you ever tasted American chocolate? That's right; nobody has. Just like American beer, it doesn't have any flavour at all. But the poor American people crave chocolate just like the rest of us and in desperation they have invaded England to get it.

Should we throw in the towel and close the doors of Blighty's Tuck Store now? Or should we wait until our beloved Cadbury chocolate bars have "Made in Pennsylvania" printed on the wrapper?