"Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited" - John Cleese

Author John Corby also writes as "Bulldogge" for the British Canadian newspaper.

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Thursday, August 19, 2010

British Isles Moving East?

The self-proclaimed "World's Greatest Newspaper", Britain's Daily Express is championing an initiative that will see the entire British Isles move an hour further east - um, at least that's what we think the plan is. Dubbed "double summer time" this bold move will jig British clocks to lengthen daylight hours, create jobs, generate billions in extra revenue for British business ... and confuse the entire British public - and maybe the world.

Here is how it will work:
Instead of turning the clocks back this fall, the United Queendom will maintain British Summer Time which will then become standard time for Britain. In the spring of next year clocks will move forward another hour and then drop back an hour the following fall.

In the Mean Time ... in Greenwich
What will happen to Greenwich Mean Time? GMT has been defined as the time on the Greenwich Meridian which runs through ... well Greenwich actually. It is a reference point for time around the world. Standard time in the United Queendom is GMT except in the summer time when British clocks leap forward an hour. If Britain adopts Double Summer Time the whole country will always be at least an hour ahead of GMT - which is the time in Greenwich ... in Britain. Is this a case of Britain getting ahead of itself?

Fifteen Degrees of Separation
There are 24 timezones around the globe which means that time changes by one hour for every 15 degrees of longitude (roughly speaking). If the United Queendom moves an hour east (which would put Britain temporally into central Europe) repercussions will be felt around the world. Every other country will have to move it's time east to maintain global symmetry.

The Canadian Solution
Here is the problem in a nutshell - the whole of Britain fits into one timezone. Solving Britain's problem is easy. All the British have to do is emigrate to Canada! We have more timezones than you can shake a canoe paddle at. Want more daylight? Follow the Sun west. Or (in the summer) go north - way north. In Canada's Nunavut you get 24 hours of daylight for weeks and weeks and weeks every summer.

So here is the deal Britain. Come and live in Nunavut - there are millions of acres of sun-basked territory in which you can settle. For at least three long months every year we can guarantee that the Sun won't set on the British Empire.

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