"Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited" - John Cleese

Author John Corby also writes as "Bulldogge" for the British Canadian newspaper.

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Monday, August 03, 2009

6 Brits to Throw a Shoe at: #1 Ozzy Osbourne

The world has become familiar with the symbolism of throwing a shoe at somebody ever since the well-publicized incident in which a disgruntled middle-eastern gentleman hurled a shoe at former US President George W. Bush. When Blighty's Blog throws a shoe at somebody it means we feel the same way. Want to throw a shoe at some famous Brit? Tell us who.

John Michael Osbourne, better known as "Ozzy" is well known for many [bleep] things. He began his career in 1968 as a heavy rock star; he was lead singer in a [bleep] band called "Black Sabbath". He later went on to become the star of his own [bleep] television reality show in which most of the dialog would have to be [bleeped] out if shown before what British TV calls the "watershed".

He cultivated an image of a [bleep] disturbed, satanic-like figure by behaving in a [bleep] disturbed, satanic-like fashion. Ozzy left school at the age of 15 and took a number of unskilled jobs in his native Birmingham. One of those jobs may have helped to to forge his strange [bleep] behaviour - he worked for a while in a slaughterhouse.

Throughout his career Osbourne has abused [bleep] alcohol and drugs. There can be little doubt that this has affected his [bleep] behaviour. In one infamous incident he released some doves onstage to attract attention. Dissatisfied with the result, he took hold of one of the live doves, bit its head off and spat the head into the crowd. That stunt has bought him notoriety and a lot of parody.

A similar repeat stunt with a [bleep] bat didn't go so well. Osbourne picked up what he perceived to be a rubber bat that a fan had thrown onto the stage. He bit the head off the bat only to discover that it was [bleep] real. The bat was [bleep] alive and reportedly bit Osbourne before he bit its [bleep] head off. It is unclear whether it was Osbourne or the bat that was later treated for a possible rabies infection. During another one of his drug related episodes he took a shotgun and killed all [bleep] seventeen of his family's cats.

Notwithstanding his bizarre and disturbing behaviour, Osbourne has a very large fan base and is credited with creating some of the finest music within its genre. He and his second wife Sharon are among the richest people in Britain. They live in a mansion in Buckinghamshire, England; have a second home in Los Angeles and are reported to have amassed a fortune of £100 million.

Despite his reputation for satanic activity, one source reports that Osbourne is a member of the Church of England and prays before each concert. Whether this is true or not, it seems unlikely. Ozzy Osbourne may have given the world a lot of entertainment but his lifestyle hardly seems to merit his success. John Michael Osbourne ... duck, here comes a [bleep] shoe.

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